This post is by guest blogger Laura Grace Weldon. Laura is a writer, editor, and non-violence educator. Her recent book is Free Range Learning. She lives on Bit of Earth Farm where she and her family regularly indulge in movie nights.
Editor's Note: We recently posted about speaking up anyway, so we're pleased to share this guest post by Laura about the importance of practicing nonviolent intervention. Enjoy!
Working in a retail job, you think you’ve become
accustomed to bad behavior on the part of children as well as parents.
But you are appalled to see a mother use an umbrella to spank a small
boy.
Will intervening threaten the child or endanger your job?
Walking through a grocery store parking lot, you notice a crying
toddler in the grocery cart and a woman screaming at the child as she
loads packages in her car. She slaps the child’s face and arms as you
walk past
.
If you say anything will you make it worse?
Looking out your apartment window you see a young man standing next
to a motorcycle, pushing and yelling at a teenage girl from the
building who seems to be his girlfriend.
Would the police consider this abuse if you called?
Leaving work later than usual on a wintry evening you have the
feeling you’re being followed. As you turn a corner you see an
ill-dressed youth close behind you. He holds out a gun and asks for
money.
Are there any options that don’t leave a victim?
Driving past a cluster of youths on a city street, you realize that
they are clubbing a boy with a piece of wood. It’s safer for you to
continue in traffic, but you want to defend this teen from his
aggressors.
Can your heart and head agree on a course of action?
Violence is familiar. It’s highlighted in news, movies, and video
games. It erupts in our homes or homes nearby, even if few people admit
it. It’s insidious and damaging. Violence at all levels, from the
personal to the global, is highly ineffective in creating lasting
positive change.
Yet we know very little about nonviolence.
We may be aware of Mohandas Gandhi’s
satyagraha.
This philosophy, which Gandhi called “soul force,” inspired the passive
resistance successfully used in the U.S. civil rights movement and the
healing honesty of South Africa’s Truth and Reconciliation Commission.
But most people don’t think these approaches are relevant. In fact,
pacifism is often confused with those who are passive. Nothing could be
further from the truth. Nonviolence requires a level of conviction and
inner strength that makes violence look easy.
Nonviolence doesn’t imply lack of anger or conflict. Strong emotions
like anger can be a catalyst for change; rallying us to become more
aware, to take action or to seek help. Conflict is an inevitable part of
human interaction. Dealing with conflict constructively, creatively,
and with mutual regard lets conflict serve a useful purpose.
The tactics of nonviolence have worked throughout history. But, as
it’s often said, history is written by the victors. Scholar Antony Adolf
writes in
Peace: A World History
, “The
champions of peace, momentous and everyday, intellectual and activist,
expert professional and lay, have for too long been considered
exceptions that prove this rule, when in actuality without their efforts
there may not have been a history to live, let alone write.”
Nonviolent principles work today, although they continue to be little known. According to the
Human Security Report,
from the University of British Columbia, peacemaking efforts by the
United Nations, as well as voluntary activism, continue to have a powerful
impact. Although little reported by the media, the world has seen a
significant decline in violence. The overall number of armed conflicts
has declined by 40% in the last 16 years with the deadliest conflicts
dropping by 80%. Three decades ago 90 countries were governed by
authoritarian regimes; now fewer than 30 suffer this oppression.
The efforts of individuals may make the biggest difference. Paul Hawken writes in
Blessed Unrest: How the Largest Social Movement in History Is Restoring Grace, Justice, and Beauty to the World
about
the efforts of caring people everywhere around the world. Before the
abolitionist movement there were pitifully few groups working on behalf
of others. Since that time the number of people collaborating for the
greater good has grown at an unprecedented rate. Now there are over a
million organizations seeking environmental sustainability, social
justice, cultural preservation, and peace. Hawken says that never before
in history have there been so many people working on behalf of others.
In fact the success of humankind is based on peaceful person to
person, group to group interaction. The unwritten span of prehistory
makes up 99% of our time on earth. Most anthropologists affirm that
cooperation was pivotal for survival during this long stage, when people
lived in nomadic hunter-gatherer bands. A lone human would not last
long. No claws, fangs or heavy fur protected them. Interdependence was
key. Together our forebears developed language, healing arts, and
methods of procuring food. Cooperative efforts in child rearing,
protection from predators, and shelter from the elements gave them a
survival edge. This entire period of our development was characterized
by generally peaceable human interactions. No convincing evidence of
warfare exists in this span of prehistory. Planned aggression against
others apparently began around the start of agriculture.
From the larger perspective of time we are barely out of prehistory,
still adjusting to the complexities of civilization. As anthropologist
Douglas P. Fry notes in
Beyond War: The Human Potential for Peace
, cooperation and empathy accurately represent our species. Violence is not “human nature.” We flourish best with
gentle nurturance and continued
cooperation.
So what’s the first nonviolence principle we should know?
De-escalation. A major characteristic of violence, verbal as well as
physical, is that it tends to escalate. It is most easily reversed at
the beginning and becomes progressively more difficult to stop as it
spirals into more intense violence. Those who study the effects of
intervention in violent situations have found when others object or
actively intervene, their efforts tend to slow or stop the violence.
Dr. Ervin Staub, who survived under Nazi rule, reports in
The Roots of Evil: The Origins of Genocide and Other Group Violence
,
that the Khmer Rouge in Cambodia and the Nazis in Germany began their
campaigns of genocide with small persecutions which citizens allowed to
continue. He reports that action by “bystanders” (those who are not
victim or perpetrator) empowers the victim and diminishes the power of
the aggressor. But ignoring the suffering of others allows the violence
to escalate.
That’s true in our daily lives as well. When we deal with signs of
conflict right away, firmly and with compassion, we don’t permit
problems to get worse. That’s just one principle of nonviolence. The
more we know about nonviolence, the wider the range of options we have
to choose from in each situation.
Personally Violent Approach Personally Nonviolent Approach
Avoid or ignore signs of conflict. Speak up early, before conflict
Suppress problems. Allow tension escalates.
to build.
Slander others, incite anger, Show positive regard for others
distort truth. as well as oneself. Maintain honesty.
Highlight differences, provoke Find common ground, ways to agree.
defensiveness.
Show impatience Act with patience and high regard for the
process. Recognize change
may be slow.
Attack the other person, typically Be open to ideas, different perspectives,
escalating situation. possible changes.
Inflict suffering on others. Refuse to inflict suffering even at one’s own
expense.
Aim to “win” or destroy others. Accept only equitable solutions fair to all.
Ends justifies the means. Process important as outcome.
Expectations not fitting circumstances. Act with integrity and understanding,
instilling respect and empathy.
Operate with openness, justice,
compassion.
What about situations you might encounter at work, in a parking lot,
in your neighborhood, while driving, or walking down the street? All of
the circumstances described at the beginning were actual experiences.
Fortunately the people facing these situations had studied nonviolence
and they decided to take a stand.
The store clerk who witnessed a mother using an umbrella
to hit a child intervened quickly. She stepped next to the mother and
said quietly, “You have to stop that right now.”
The mother was furious. She protested that she had the right to
discipline her child. The clerk agreed, keeping her voice low and calm,
“Yes, you do. But how you do it makes a difference.”
She listened as the child’s mother continued to argue with her, then
said, “Can I tell you something? I’m sure my mother took good care of
me. But she got mad easily and hit me a lot. Not one person ever stuck
up for me. When I grew up I decided I’d never speak to her again and I
haven’t. I’m not saying it’s the same for you and your child, but I just
had to say something.”
The mother responded by describing to the clerk the many ways she was
a good mother to her son. The tone of the woman’s voice as well as her
attitude changed as she focused on her parenting strengths. On her way
out of the store she picked up the child and said, “Momma loves you even
when she’s mad, you know that don’t you?”
~~~~~
The man about to walk past the woman slapping her toddler
in the parking lot had an idea. He reached into his pocket, pulled out a
ten dollar bill and covertly dropped it near them. He made a show of
leaning over and finding the bill. He held it out to the woman and
asked if it might be hers.
Although she insisted it was not her money he gave it to her,
considering it money well spent. As they spoke he made some positive
observations about her child. He sympathized with her difficulty,
mentioning that when his kids were young he found it easiest to take
along a few snacks and small toys to keep them busy. They talked and by
the time he walked away the woman and toddler were both smiling. His
simple act stopped the violence and for that moment he’d brought a
positive element to the situation.
~~~~~
The neighbor who witnessed a motorcyclist pushing and
yelling at his girlfriend decided he couldn’t stand by. He walked
casually out of his apartment and just as he was about to pass the
couple he paused. When the boyfriend noticed his glance the neighbor
made an admiring comment about the bike. His attention disrupted the
abuse. He and the young man struck up a brief conversation about
motorcycles. His observations on treating the bike well may just as
easily have been about treating a person with loving attention. By
interrupting the abuse he offered the girl time to leave, if she chose,
and he hoped it established a rapport that might be helpful if the girl
wanted to talk at a later time.
~~~~~
The commuter walking late along a cold, dark street
confronted by a gunman was afraid he might lose his wallet, coat, and
perhaps his life. He also empathized with the poorly dressed youth.
Ignoring the gun and disrupting the man’s plan to make him a victim, he
said, “It’s cold. Why don’t you take my jacket?”
As he took off the coat he kept talking about the wintry weather. He
offered to purchase food, even give the young man money. The aggressor
was confounded by the man’s generosity and lack of fear. Acting
embarrassed, he refused the food, money and jacket. The commuter
insisted the youth take the jacket as a gift. He may have gone home
without his own jacket but he transformed a potential crime into an
encounter of compassion.
~~~~~
The woman who drove past teens pummeling another youth
with a piece of wood chose to stop her car in traffic. Standing at her
open car door she called to them, telling them to stop what they were
doing. They were surprised but held their ground. One jeered at her
asking why she would care about some kid who was a stranger to her while
the others laughed. She answered that she cared about all of them. And
then she said she would stop if she saw any of them being hurt.
“Next time I might need to stop for you,” she told the youth who
questioned her. Anger defused, they walked away. She left when she saw
the youth who’d been hurt get up and walk in the other direction.
~~~~~
These people chose action over despair. Their creative, unique
solutions served as peaceful de-escalations of violent situations. They
may not have eliminated the causes or “solved” the issue but they
pointed a way out. Making a stand does make a difference.
Our anger and our concerns about violence can be shaped into
purposeful, peaceful action. This is the greatest antidote to despair.
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